...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

You know how sometimes you feel bugs crawling on you but there are no bugs? Those are the ghosts of the bugs you've killed. You're welcome.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

OH MY GOD, THAT DAD FROM AMERICAN HORROR STORY IS SUCH A DICK! Pregnant wife tells you she was raped? TO THE CRAZY HOUSE FOR YOU! I think the most crazy thing the wife has done during the whole show was wait eight episodes before shooting that fucking asshole.

Oh, also I quite love the crazy pregnant mistress-ghost. It was hilarious when she told pig-foetus-devil-baby ghost-mum to stop crying because it was really annoying her.

I should never get pregnant. I totally believed Jessica Lange and Francis Conroy when they said eating raw meat-things was good for the baby. Somehow the whole mad cow thing slipped my mind. Good thing I'm not pregnant or a zombie.

Some other stuff happened, it was to do with Tate. I really cannot care about Tate. It's sad because a lot of the show is like, HERE IS TATE AND VIOLET'S BEAUTIFUL LOVE and I'm like, I don't care about either of you. Your teen angst ghost bullshit is boring. Basically all they have going for them is that neither of them is the asshole dad.

Where is the burned dude? He needs to come back. It is a sad day in American Horror Story-land when the burned dude is not around.

I am really tired today. Last night there was a stupid bluebottle in my room, flying around and buzzing and generally being a fucking retard and resisting all my attempts to either kill it or shoo it out of the door or windows. Then this morning when I woke up, the fucking thing was sitting on the window frame like, "Hey, are you gonna let me out now that I'm done keeping you up all night?" I fucking hate bugs.

My brother is the sourest of all the Hegs. He got a parcel delievered yesterday, only we weren't in so they left a card, and today I walked all the way to the next village to collect it and then walked all the way back with it and put it on top of his wardrobe so his stupid cat wouldn't piss on it like he usually does, and when he got home he basically told me that it was my birthday present, that he wouldn't tell me what it was, and that he was keeping it at Hayley's house for the next month so I couldn't sneak in and look at it.

Sour. Little. Heg.

I am looking for temporary spider tattoos to complete one of my Halloween costumes, but I keep dismissing everything I find on the grounds that the spiders are too scary. I think deciding to dress as Arachne may have been a miscalculation on my part, given my rampant bugophobia.

In other news, the Losers is still super-beautiful. There should be at least three sequels to it. They would all be way better than that stupid Texas something-something-murder-mystery-nobody-cares bullshit movie that Daddy Winchester is in at the moment. I haven't seen it, but I already know it sucks. I'm magical like that.

DUDES! Why did nobody tell me Beautiful Adrian Pasdar was going to be in Castle? What a bunch of sours you all are. Now I missed part two and I have to try and find it again and it's very bad.

Also, I finally got around to watching the Walking Dead and it started off seeming quite good but then a spider ran across the floor and freaked me out so the rest of the show was tainted by my spider-hatred so I don't really have an opinion, except that I quite like the Chinese guy who wears a hat and the arrow-shooting redneck guy*.

*Not the super-crazy redneck guy who was in the first episode; his marginally more socially-acceptable brother who showed up later and got all hilariously indignant about the zombie eating his deer.

If a bluebottle manages to find its way in through the barely-open window, why can't it find its way out again without bashing into everything and buzzing around like a fucking spacker? OH MY GOD STUPID FLY, GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE.

Oh dudes, I am watching the Buffy movie for the first time in like, ten years (seriously, the last time I watched it I still lived at home and it was on TV) and it's so random and campy and beautiful and it's totally making me want to watch the TV series again even though I just watched all of it* like a month ago. Like when they're interviewing kids at the end and that one guy is all, "They had fangs and they were biting people and their eyes were totally dead - I think they were Young Republicans" and that part where Buffy steals the dude's bike and he's like, "Skank! You're a dyke! I'm going to tell the world!" or the fact that her friends are totally Heathers and the one guy who is still dying even after the end credits and it's so beautiful.

Also, this massive spider just ran across my floor and I was so busy giggling about the Buffy movie that I dropped a book on it before I even had a chance to freak out. Yes, it is that good!

Also I watched Interview with the Vampire today and oh my God, how much is the making of Claudia like, the vampire equivilent of deliberately getting knocked up in order to trap a dude into a relationship? She's like a three foot high walking piece of emotional blackmail. Andandand that bit where she tells Louis that she wants to leave and he's all whiny and like, "No that will never happen MY LIFE IS MISERY AND DESPAIR!" and she makes this awesome "get over yourself" face that makes me laugh and which is made even funnier by the fact that she's like seven years old, and that bit where she tells Lestat she has a present for him and he's all, "Then I hope it's a hot babe with boobies which you will never have!" and I'm like OH TOTAL BURN because nothing is worse than the "you'll never be a wo/man!" burn (see also: Kenny from Highlander or Peter Pan in that awesome movie where Jason Isaacs was Hook).

ALSO! Snithy, you should totally have let me show you Bully this weekend - it had male strippers, but they were young and sleek and, if not actually attractive, at least not eye-gougingly hideous and Clivelike. Also, naked Nick Stahl! Being naked and totally mean and punching people for no good reason! Nick Stahl is surely one of the most under-rated beautiful men of our time.

Then again, Bully was actually good so you probably would have had an allergic reaction to it seeing as you only like things that suck in the not-good way, Mrs "Carnivale and OUATIM and the 4400 are crap oh wait let me watch two seasons of the Lair and give us both brain damage!"

Man, you know that fuckwad who created Kidulthood, and all those other even bigger fuckwads who went on about how great it was, when in fact it was a shitty movie about a bunch of dumbass chavs doing dumbass chav things and not getting sterilized and/or shot down like rabid dogs which is really what needed to happen, both in the film and in real life? It would be so great if Larry Clark could give those people lessons in how to make movies about young people that are dark and true and also don't totally fucking suck.

*And by "all of it", what I actually mean is "the first three seasons because I try to pretend everything after Graduation Day didn't happen."

Do you guys know why the 4400 is better than pretty much every sci-fi/fantasy/horror show ever? It's not because it has Billy Campbell bringing heaven to earth (if the suckfest that was Shark proved anything, it is that not even Billy Campbell can rescue a show that is otherwise dire) or because there's a character whose ability is the power to make shockingly poor B-movie conspiracy thrillers, or even because Joel Gresch is a marvellous actor who really hasn't been given the praise he deserves in previous posts because I'm shallow and would rather talk about how beautiful and earnest his character is. No, the 4400 is better than it's peers because it has never, ever had an episode about bugs.

I hate bugs. I would rather face hoardes of ravening zombies in a nuclear wasteland than see some bugs. And that sucks because, from Buffy to the X-Files via Smallville and Stargate and Supernatural, in every sci-fi-ish show in the whole history of recorded time, there's always an episode about bugs somewhere. Even Heroes did it with that whole Mohinderspider thing - and really, way to take a character whose only positive attribute is his pretty face - not to mention, one of only a few really attractive actors left by that point - and totally wreck it for everyone. Stupid Mohinder. Stupid show.

Anyway, the point of this post is that I just finished watching Fear Itself, and I was so relieved that I didn't have to deal with anyone's arachnophobia coming to glaring CGI life on my TV screen that I forgot about the bit at the start where the dude gets attacked by clowns. And now I'm having a total "can't sleep, clown will eat me" moment and I'm trying to distract myself and it's totally not working.

Damn it. I am going to make a hot chocolate and then sit up working on my Marked!Jordan/Shawn smutfic and try not to think about clowns with mouths full of yellowed, needle-sharp teeth and long, jagged fingernails tearing at my flesh OH GOD!

Tagged by thestorymaker:

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.



1. What is your favorite show on TV?
I don't actually have a TV aerial, so I never see anything until it's out on DVD or a friend pimps me an illegally downloaded copy, but I'm going to say Numb3rs because it is airing right now and also I am watching the fourth season as I type this and it is so beautiful and filled with Colby being tortured by Batman, you guys. Okay, it was only Fatass Kilmer Batman, but still.

2. Name five things you’d want with you if stranded on a desert island:
The Intarweb (for reading porn)
A laptop (to read intarweb porn on)
Cake (for eating while reading porn on the Intarweb)
Some DVDs (to watch on the laptop when not reading porn or eating cake)
Thlayli (for companionship/emergency source of protein)


3. What was the best part of your day?
That beautiful moment when the revolving door at the entrance to the House of Gas span me out into the free world, away from the fuckery of the general public.

4. What is your favorite scent?
Cinnimon, orange and clove

5. What is your favorite drink?
Maya Gold hot chocolate

6. What do you drink the most?
Coffee

7. What is your favorite restaurant?
Tintins, a wonderous (but ruinously expensive) Cantonese restaurant in Leeds

8. What will you be doing after finishing this?
Probably watch more Numb3rs, maybe drink some hot chocolate

9. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Alone

10. Your favorite romantic movie?
Heathers

11. What kind of person do you think the person is who tagged you ?
Pretty awesome

12. What are you afraid of?
Pretty much any kind of creepy-crawly.

13. What's your favorite item of clothing?
My "robots in disguise" t-shirt - it's got the Transformers logo wearing the GM 20-20s aka Groucho Marx glasses and "robots in disguise" written underneath it. LEGEND.

14. What time do you usually go to bed?
About 12.30am

15. What's the meaning behind your LJ username/name/nicknames you go by?
Back when I still lived at home, the two youngest Froodlebrothers, Buzz Lighthair and Kaizer Wilhelm, went on this camping trip thing with their Scout group. Kaizer Wilhelm came back with a toy monkey that had long dangling arms and legs that hung like limp noodles, and staring crack addict eyes ala Elijah Wood in Lord of the Rings. Frodo+Noodle = Froodle. The name amused me so much I co-opted it for my own use.

I tag:

ajmckay, alt-baie, chibimarchy, Snithy, girlofprey, marystmatthew, yume623 and itsjustc.

There has been a Daddy Long Legs in my room for the past three days. It's staying right up near the ceiling where I can't get at it with my bug-squashing book of DOOM. I think it figures that if it stays there long enough, eventually I'll get bored and stop trying to kill it. Well guess again, asshole! My urge for buggy genocide is without limit!

Also, I cannot find my essential oils, so now when I wash the floor it will just smell of soap, not citronella and lavender. I cannot help thinking the Daddy Long Legs is behind this somehow.

Bugs are jerks.